Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Lizzie Neilson's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, May 20th, 2006
6:47 pm	Information I Cannot Be The Only One To Know No replies needed since this is a depressing topic. Information I Learned Today: My Dad's Girlfriend Is: -twice divorced -has four kids -one of these kids goes to Michigan and apparently knows who I am (presumably through Dance Marathon) -is in her late 30's/early 40's -Going to meet me in two weeks In other news, I ate horribly today, so I feel terrible about that. I love being home. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
6:42 pm	Quiz That Took Too Long To Complete THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: Lizzie Liz #1 Hooker THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD: zzx579 skitzorock579 Gueneviere39 THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: nose calves smile THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: butt stomach arms THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE: Irish (a.k.a. my brothers in the homeland) Swedish British THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: snakes Any of the "Child's Play" movies heights THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: mp3 player "Friends" DVDs Gmail THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW: Gaucho pants 2 for $20 shoes UMDM Pod 2 shirt THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS: Rolling Stones Blue Rodeo No Doubt THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS: While My Guitar Gently Weeps-The Beatles You and Me-Lifehouse Apple Blossom-White Stripes THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP: Sense of humor/ridiculousness Respect comfortable-ness TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order): I've never had a detention I hate Matthew McConaughey I've seen every episode of "Friends" THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU Nice eyes Lack of hair (except on the head) Good arms THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: Rollerblading Reading Useless movie trivia THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: Travel Go to the bar Pee (be right back) THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED: Psychologist Peace Corp volunteer Teacher THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION: Salamanca Dublin Sydney THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE: Paul Amelia Emma THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: Get closer with my sister Get married to someone I love See Briggs, as a college student, dance at the Marathon (he's gonna do it) THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL: I'm a romantic I melt at the sight of a baby I love to dance (I don't know if that counts, but I can't think of anything else) THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY: Don't mind killing/moving spiders I think about sex pretty much all the time (although I think that could go either way-but we're talking stereotypes) Animal House is basically the best movie ever. THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW: Gray Sara Karl (get a fucking livejournal profile and stop stalking everyone else's) (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 9th, 2006
11:44 pm	Last CPT Meeting-Somewhat Mushy Journal to Follow So I had my very last CPT Sunday night meeting tonight. We have our Transition Meeting on Wednesday, and I'm sure I'll be a disaster at that meeting, but I'm more pensive right now. The new CPT was at the meeting with us which was the first time that's ever happened in Dance Marathon. Normally they're just at the Transition Meeting and that's it. I was sitting there with all of CPT, and it suddenly occurred to me that this is the last time I'll have a CPT meeting on Sunday night. It's the last time I'll sit here and listen to Kinch make fun of people, listen to reports, poke Alex, make faces at Scrompton, give a report, listen to Shoutouts, and get excited for the Marathon. It's the last time I'll be in that room with those people and be a member of the Planning Team. I'll never have that again. And something started to hurt. I know a lot of people who never understood why I did Dance Marathon. I know people who supported me, and I love them for that. I could not have gotten through the last couple of years without them. Any negativity in this journal is NOT directed at them. But very few people ever "got" why I did it. They never knew why anyone did it for that matter. I can't explain it. It is something to be experienced, not explained. You don't have to be a part of CPT to understand why people do Dance Marathon. Everyone does it for a subtly different reason. Everyone has their motives. And everyone who sticks with it understands why. I know I wouldn't be who I am now without Dance Marathon. I wouldn't have the love for life that I have. I wouldn't have the knowledge that despite what ANYONE thinks about Dance Marathon, I made a difference in it. I know people see an emotionless machine in which I am an unknown, but crucial part, but it is much more than that. I didn't do Dance Marathon for the recognition. I know I wouldn't believe in people the way I do now without Dance Marathon. I wouldn't appreciate a team without Dance Marathon. I wouldn't have my college experience without Dance Marathon. There is also a distinct possibility that I just wouldn't be here if I didn't have Dance Marathon. Most of the people who wonder why I did it ask because they saw a lot of my low points. My frustrations, anger, and sadness about how things went in Dance Marathon. While those were hard, I think that they helped me because I realized how much I cared about Dance Marathon. Caring about something that much is amazing. At the Marathon, Kyle said to me, "I aspire to care about ANYTHING as much as you care about EVERYTHING". That meant so much to me. I used to say that a lot of people don't like Dance Marathon because we care so much about it and caring about things isn't cool. It's so much easier to just not care, to be apathetic. I believe that it doesn't matter what you care about, so long as you care about something. Something bigger than yourself. Everyone wonders why I do Dance Marathon. I do it because it has made me a better person, because of the people I met through it, because of the relationships I had that were strengthened through it, and because regardless of whatever anyone says, I know I made a difference in it, and in the lives of people I met. I know they made a difference in mine. Thank you so much to everyone who supported me in my experience in Dance Marathon. I could not have made it without you. To everyone else, who never understood, never "got" why I did Dance Marathon: As I said before, you have to experience it, or something like it, to understand. I only hope you get the chance I did. Current Mood: pensive Current Music: Wisemen-James Blunt (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
12:36 am	if i knew how to fix it, i would i'd fix everything. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Better Version of Me-Fiona Apple (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 11th, 2006
2:50 am	blah I love my friends. they are awesome. they are, in fact, the best people in the world. i'm very lucky to have them. so why do i feel like i can't make a connection with anyone? why do i feel like i'm behind some one-way mirror, and they can see me, but i can't really see them, but i know they're there? and i really want to see them, so i can not feel this way anymore? and also because if i can't see them, i can't mimic them, and then where am i going to be? i have such great friends, yet i feel like i'm poisoning them because i can't seem to get close enough to being a real human being. blah. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Going Through the Motions-Buffy (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
9:52 pm	Birthday Well this birthday was considerably more depressing than last year's. However, there was some similarity. My friends showed up when I needed them and told me they loved me. Best birthday gift ever. I love you all very much. Thank you all for being there for me. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 8th, 2006
8:10 pm	good things about retreat: Video, bonding, feeling like i'm getting things accomplished bad things about retreat: realizing I'm the ugliest person on CPT, realizing that in pictures the fatness that is my face and body looks horrific, and the skin condition that is pimplefest 2005-2006 is only getting worse, and that in pictures I just shouldn't smile. Thank god I don't have to be on stage this year. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, November 25th, 2005
3:24 pm	THANKSGIVING 2005-CHICAGO REMIX!!! CONTINUED...AGAIN Hello all- Well I wasn't given an opportunity to update last night, since we left my aunt's (and her wireless) around 7:30 Chicago time, so I sans Internet until now. We have made the trip from Chicago to Kalamazoo, so I'm back in the Eastern timezone, and I'll be returning to Ann Arbor tomorrow. I was hoping I could persuade my dad to leave for Ann Arbor today, since we made such good time to Kalamazoo, but that does not look like it will happen b/c of my mom. Thus far today has sucked thoroughly, but that's the way family holidays go. Here is an update for the last 24 hours or so. For last night, until 1:00 AM: Times my uncle sang "Happy Birthday" to my cousin: 15 (I'd like to point out that it was her birthday) Times my uncle called her "Rat Bag" (total): 20 Number of non-attached college students other than me: 1 Number of obnoxious college couples who will hopefully break up, or get married only to have it end in an emotionally traumatizing divorce: 1 Number of adults to hit on me throughout the night: 3 Number of above adults who are related to me: 1 Times asked what I was doing with life after undergrad: 5 Number of times I was asked why I was going into "that liberal stuff" after undergrad: 3 Number of times I was asked what they teach you in Women's Studies: 4 Number of times I was asked why we don't have a men's studies department: 2 Number of times I responded with "We do, it's called the Classics Department":1 Number of glasses of water filled throughout the night: 35 Number of trips to grocery store with 17 year old cousin: 1 Number of glasses of wine drunk: 6 (even split between red and white) Times made to feel guilty about life: 15 Times watched "Blazing Saddles", the Bieke Family Thanksgiving Tradition: 1 Times my uncle made the whipping motion during the opening titles of "Blazing Saddles": 3 Number of minutes spent on phone: 65 Number of times I sat in the hotel lobby: 1 Number of minutes in lobby: 60 Number of those minutes I was on the phone with manda: 45 Number of times I sang, "Lady in Red" on the phone: 2 Number of cute guys in the hotel lobby: 2 Number of guys I hooked up with: 0 Number of times I swore I'm not going to another family function without a boyfriend: 5 Number of times I swore to hell with biological family, holidays should be spent with your friends: 10 Times asked if I had a boyfriend: 8 Times asked WHY I didn't have a boyfriend: 2 Number of times I was told I wouldn't make any money after collge: 3 Number of times I was told my career choices were "killing" my dad: 1 Number of hours of TV watched in room: 4 This morning: Hour at which I woke up: 8:00 AM Chicago time Time I actually got up: 9:30 Times I tried to get up during that time: 3 Cups of coffee this morning: 2 Number of times my uncle sang "Happy Birthday" to my cousin: 1 (no longer her birthday) Number of times we told my sister to get ready: 3 Number of times my sister bitched about it: 3 Hours spent in car to Kalamazoo: 3 Number of text messages sent: 10 Number of them that used the phrase "in the face": 5 Times my mom asked how much gas was in the car: 3 Times my mom has overanalyzed a comment I've made: 5 Times my dad freaked out: 3 Times my dad mentioned wanting to go to Old Navy: 5 Times I mentioned the futility of spending the night in Kalamazoo when I clearly could have made it to Ann Arbor and then my parents to Detroit: 1 Number of times I have thought that: 350 In summary, this Thanksgiving so far is a techno pop remix of guilt and despair, with the extended disco version of "you'll never make any money" and "why don't you have a boyfriend". Hope everyone is doing ok!!! P.S. I also received a notice that I should get a boyfriend while I'm in college, because I'm pretty now. Apparently, once I graduate I will lose all ability to attrack members of the opposite sex since my prettiness will probably disappear due to not making any money. Which is really what matters. I wonder what they'd do if I became a lesbian. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 24th, 2005
1:56 pm	THANKSGIVING 2005-CHICAGO REMIX!!! Continued.... Hello again. Here is the update Time: 12:57 Chicago Time Number of syllables to come from my dad's mouth in the past hour: 20 Number of times my uncle has called my cousin "Rat Bag": 13 Times I have been mocked for the OSU game: 2 Work done: 3/4 of LeaderShape application Number of times email has been checked: 8 Times talked about Dance Marathon: 2 Hours until we eat: 4 I expect as we approach dinner, the night will become more intersting, as more and more people start to drink. (Comment on this)
12:38 pm	THANKSGIVING 2005-CHICAGO REMIX!!! This entry will be updated throughout the day to keep all of you aware of my holiday. I hope you shall all be inspired to do the same. As of right now, here are the statistics: Yesterday: Hours spent in car: 5 Text messages sent to people in car: 30 Times my mom mentioned how much gas was in the car: 4 Times my mom asked my dad if we were lost: 6 Glasses of wine drunk: 3 Gas stations I ran to, trying to find alcohol: 2 Gas stations that carried alcohol: 0 Hours spent online: 2 Hours spent watching TV in my hotel room: 3 Number of times cried: 3 Number of times my father acted like a 12 year old: I stopped counting after 50 Number of times my dad made fun of my hair: 2 Number of drunk dials made to me: 1 Number of text messages made last night: 15 Today (updated at 11:45 Chicago time): Time was awaken by my dad: 7:15 Chicago time Hours slept: 6 Number of coffees drunk: 1 Number of mimosas: 2 1/2 Number of times my dad bitched me out: 1 1/2 Number of times my mom focused on something and obsessed over it for over 30 minutes: 5 Number of phone calls made to Manda: 2 Number of napkins folded: 20 Number of times have cried this morning: 2 Ok, my aunt is here. I'm going to go hang out with her as she is the only beacon of sanity in this house. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
2:55 pm	FUCKING OBNOXIOUS BITCH TEACHER When I offer out of the goodness of my heart to let a professor use my computer for presentations for the entire class, and I go so far as to go to Media Loan Services to get a fucking adaptor, I expect to be treated respectfully and kindly when something goes wrong with someone's presentation. I also expect to not be yelled at when I'm trying to help people play their movie, and they didn't save it in the right type of file. I also dislike getting attitude from other students. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 6th, 2005
12:11 pm	Hmmmmmmm I didn't have my computer with me last night for the majority of the night. I set off on my journey without it. Now this may seem irrelevant to my livejournal posting, especially since this if the first post I've done in awhile. One would think that the first post would be a long summary of my life. That will not be the case with this post. Had I had my computer with me last night, you all would have seen a much different post than the one you will receive right now. The plan and simple reason is that I have to be in the right frame of mind to leave a post of the magnitude that it would have been. Many of you may be confused. Let me explain with this statement: Very few of you have seen me angry. All of you have seen me stressed, frustrated, and mad. However, the extent to which you all have seen me angry is very small. Why? Because I don't get that angry that often. Again, this may surprise you all since I'm almost always bitching about something. That is me being mad and frustrated. The degree to which someone has to piss me off to truly make me angry (fortunately) doesn't happen very often. But when it does it leaves me in a state that would have driven me to write the meanest, bitchiest livejournal ever, as well as contemplate ways I could hire someone to kill you. (Byron, if you're reading this, stop freaking out, this isn't directed at you). Just to clarify to everyone else reading this, assume that you are not the person who angered me. You would know. And I love most of you so much that I could never be that angry at you. So basically this is a futile livejournal entry. It is more lamenting the fact that I did not have my computer with me last night, so I could amuse you all with my rantings. Instead you get this which is basically a passive-aggressive gesture to tell everyone that I was mad last night. It does however have one small kernel of rational. It is basically to say that I am capable of extreme anger, an emotion very few people have seen me exhibit. I hope everyone's weekends are going well. I'm going to get back to doing research and being pissed off, but not angry. I also want to let everyone know that I had a lot of fun at Dominick's and it was really great to see you all. I'm going to buried under a stack of thesis stuff, grad school applications, and homework for the next few days, so if I'm around less than I already am, it's nothing personal. I hope everyone has a great day! Current Mood: cold Current Music: Call On Me-Eric Prydz (Comment on this)
Monday, October 17th, 2005
4:46 pm	There's nothing about myself I don't hate. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box-Radiohead (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 9th, 2005
12:46 am	Undatable Currently decided I am undate-able. If that's how it's spelled. Defined as "undesirable companion to anyone for dating purposes". For some unknown reason, I'm a giant bitch to all my ex-boyfriends. This leads them to wonder why they ever dated me in the first place, and I know they come up with zilch. They they occasionally feel the need to be somewhat mean to me, and I don't know how to deal with it. Hence, my desire for a relationship is FOILED by my undatableness. Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Shut Up-Black Eyed Peas (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
9:55 pm	Survivor Guilt Warning! Incredibly angsty and sad livejournal post to follow! Proceed with caution! So I went home today after a fabulous weekend in Bay City with manda. It was really awesome, and I had such a good time. I also have a giant amount of envy and respect that their family is so close. Just watching and listening to Manda's family interact was so fun, and I wish I could be that close to my parents and sibling. It's really incredible. It takes so much work and love to do that, and it's really great that they can do that. In my family news, I came home today from AA, and Jeffrey Neilson was in his uber-depressed mode. Apparently my mom's blood pressure is really low. My mom said he was conflicted about whether he should call the PA, but he didn't want to nag. My mom says he's conflicted because he doesn't want to call, and then have them tell him to bring her in. I think he might just be suffering from what I am currently, and do often which is the fear that she's really never going to get better. Like this could very well be the best it gets for her. It could also just be a steady decline until she eventually dies. She's been sick for three years now, and it's so possible that she's never going to be the same way she was before she got sick. And the bizarre thing, and I don't want thousands of people commenting on my journal to tell me this isn't true, and I shouldn't feel this way, and everything, but some small part of this is definitely my fault. My stupid ass stem cells were really potent, and that's why she got all the problems that she had last summer. My stem cells destroyed her disease, but they also literally started to attack her body. And now, that problem is gone, but she's got these lung issues, and stuff. And we're trying to figure out why she's so sickly, but honestly, no one knows. My aunt thinks that it's because of bacteria or something in the house, and the messiness and most bacteria ridden part of the house is my room. My messiness claims another victim. That's why my room right now is insanely clean. And why my rooms now will continue to be insanely clean. Because apparently, in addition to breaking up friendships, being messy can almost kill family members. Or at least hurt their health condition. And I know a lot of this is stupid, and ill-founded, but it's mostly because it's survivor guilt. This happens when family members die, and the people that survive feel guilty about it because they feel like they should have been the ones to die, or something. I think I'm getting it right. Someone who knows anything about psych is more than welcome to correct me on that. My mom is one of the best people I know, and yet she's sick when clearly my dad or I should have been the ones to get sick. I mean, my mom is a really nice person, yet the poisonous people in the house are the ones who are spared being debilitatingly sick. Plus, she can actually accomplish something. I, on the other hand, have been kidding myself for years about being able to be a psychologist or some kind of counselor. I really can't help anyone, as much as I want. That's why I will problably end up teaching psych. I think teaching is one of the most important professions anyone can have, and I think it would be nice to be able to indirectly help people by educating others who are capable to help them. So yeah. This was a good day. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: None-too blah for music (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 30th, 2005
10:29 pm	Day Splitting I have calculated, through intricate and delicate procedures, how I spend my days during the summer when I am in Grosse Pointe. Now, my calculations may vary some per day, and it usually depends upon when was the last time I have been in Ann Arbor. There is a sort of U-shaped curve, if you will. My angst is at an incredible high when I immediately return to Grosse Pointe after being in Ann Arbor, as I was accustomed to being independent and master of my own schedule. Or at least, not everyone's bitch. Only Comcast's. Then it goes down as I acclimate myself to the living environment in GP. Then if the amount of time I have remained in GP extends past 4-5 days, my angst returns to its heightened state. However, this is how I believe a normal day occurs in the life of Lizzie in Grosse Pointe, give or take 1 hour for each category. Now remember, many of these times are the sum total time spent on that activity for the day (Example: I may not spend 8 hours straight sleeping, but I may take a nap). : 8 hours are spent sleeping and tired waking up stage 1 hours are spent at the grocery store (yes, this is EVERY day) 30 minutes fixing the TV channels or DVD player because only myself and the 14-year old can operate all the entertainment systems 1 hour driving my sister to various errands 2 hours driving myself to various bitch work errands or to Ann Arbor if it is Wednesday (GRE day) 1 hour rollerblading 1 hour Dance Marathon work 1 1/2 hours at the gym with cons 30 minutes showering and dressing post-gym 5 hours on the computer (IMing, watching episodes of TV-probably Buffy the Vampire Slayer) 1 1/2 hours lamenting life in Grosse Pointe as worthless 30 minutes lamenting body 30 minutes doing bitch work on the computer for mom or dad and staring into space at computer screen I believe that all equals 24 hours a day. It is way exciting. Today was actually interesting though because I spent 4 hours helping Katie Minturn find a wedding dress. So that was surreal. When she tried on the first one, her sister started to cry. We had a really funny saleswoman helping us, saying "Don't be strong, ladies! Let it out!". I must admit, I got a little misty-eyed myself. The second place we went to have the most snide woman ever, and she was wearing fuzzy, leopard print pointy shoes. People in glass houses, man. Anyways, Kate found an absolutely gorgeous dress that is very antique looking, and I think she might end up getting it. It was just so crazy. It finally hit me that she's getting married. Meanwhile, the biggest milestone in my life is my GRE class and the fact that I've gone a week without biting my nails. Actually, the milestone of the summer is coming which is this 4th of July weekend, which I will be spending Bay City with the lovely manda684. I'm super excited about it. It will most likely consist of drunken revelry surrounded by fireworks. Hopefully I'll be able to see some people I haven't seen in awhile (Barry and Adam, I'm talking about you!) while I am there. The rest of you, I wish you good luck and safety on your 4th of July. And with that, I go to sleep. Peace out. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Somebody Told Me-The Killers (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
11:54 pm	Out of control This day was out of control. Yay Pistons!!!!!! Current Mood: giddy Current Music: Final Countdown-Europe (You know you love it) (Comment on this)
9:22 pm	Such a good day Ok, so this day was crazy, out of control, fabulous. And strangely productive. I woke up at a somewhat early time (for me, which means 9:30), and I went out to go get coffee and run some errands. Well, Ms. Conley and I had plans to go see Batman Begins, but we decided to extend the date into the entire day. So she went with me to my errands, we went to the gym for awhile, then we ate lunch, and went to see the movie. She also found out that she got a job at the Papa's new restaurant in Greektown, which is HUGELY exciting because she has a huge weight off her shoulders. Also, since she didn't take the job at Olive Garden, I think I may apply to work there which would be awesome. Here are some highlights from the day: Errands: Took ridiculous pictures with Cons so she could finish the role and drop it off. Also, I picked up an old picture of my grandparents that I had copied. It's the original print from, like 1955, and it's of the two of them at a frat party that was Hawaiian themed. They look so cute and happy that I can't take it. I also realized that my grandmother looked just like Ashley Judd when she was younger. My favorite part of the picture is the authentic grass skirts, lei's, and...........cigarettes in the picture. Cracks me up. Gym: Nothing eventful whatsoever other than Cons and my ridiculous strength which was proved in our ability to life, like 10 pounds on each machine. Lunch: Cons found out she got her new job, and she was really excited. The restaurant is called "Mosaic", and if you're in GP or visiting, and you want nice (= expensive) food, go there. Give her a big tip. She owes me and Wrinkly Balls ( = Eric) money. Movie: Ok. I'm officially obsessed with "Batman Begins". It was amazing. I realize that a lot of people may not have liked it very much, but I loved it. I thought it was very dark which is what I think Batman should always be. They got it back to the original Batman and away from the last couple of movies which featured nipples on the Batsuit. No, no, there was none of that in this movie. There was lots of Christian Bale to be seen, and I am always a fan of that. mmmm. Also, Cillian Murphy was great in it, and I love him. I also think he's really cute, although Conley said that she thinks he's creepy looking. He's supposed to be creepy in this movie though. Also, Liam Neeson totally redeemed himself from the monstrosity that was "The Phantom Menace". I did make the unfortunate mistake of saying in front of Cons that Liam Neeson was "the worst Jedi in the galaxy", and I expect her to stop making fun of me in about 5 years. Maybe. If I'm lucky. It just teaches me to lower the amount of hyperbole I use in my everyday language. The cinematography in the film was incredible, again, very dark. The plot was really interesting, and it did a great job of setting the story of Bruce Wayne up so that his character makes more sense. My good friend Hank seemed to think that the parts with Batman were "cheesy", or as another good friend say, "forced". I disagree because I think all the things he did were in line with his character and what he had learned. Also, it is a superhero movie, and sometimes things are just a little overdone. But I think it was all in a good way. Again, I'm completely obsessed with the film. I'm also particularly excited for the new movie "The Brothers Grimm" which has both Matt Damon and Heath Legar in it. Yummy. Ok, so a fabulous day. All that has to happen now is the Pistons have to win. Oh, and I start my volunteer work at Beaumont tomorrow which is yay!!!! Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Linedance 2005, ie. the " most banging" one-The Ghostbusters (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 19th, 2005
5:08 pm	The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: The Wedding, The Family, and The Children Next Door Yesterday was the wedding of Beth and Joe, two people whom I've never actually met, but I got to witness their wedding and go to their reception because I was Choo's date. Manda went as Eric's date, and the four of us had a spectacular time. The wedding itself was short, and while it was pretty religious, it was still really sweet and nice. You saw Joe mouth "Whoa" when Beth came through the door, and it was so cute. The reception was really fun too. There was an open bar, and the bartenders were INCREDIBLY liberal with their alcohol. I think there was a 6:1 ratio of vodka to orange juice in Manda's screwdriver. I was intent on being DD for the night, but I had some early on. Our table consisted of the four of us, Dube and Carrie, Jeremy, the husband of the Matron of Honor, and these two people, Chris and Becky. Chris was an idiot, but somewhat cute, while Becky was the spawn of hell. She was an incredible bitch. When Dube drunkenly told her to not have her date hit on us, she responded with, "I don't think he will" in an incredibly bitchy tone. She will clearly die a horrible death of bitterness or homicide. Jeremy, Manda, and I quickly formed a bond due to our hatred of Becky and our trivector of sanity. We danced a good amount, and I found out that Joe and Beth are two of the nicest people ever because, while they didn't know either Manda or I, they were really sweet and thanked us several times for coming. Watching the wedding and the reception really got me thinking about marriage and weddings and stuff. It's scary because as Eric put it, the next 5 years is just going to be one wedding after another. And it was the first wedding I'd gone to without my parents, so I'm really growing up I guess. Damn. And I used to be all, "I'm never getting married, blah", but I don't know now. I know I don't want to get married for awhile, I want to have some fun and be by myself for awhile, but the idea of marriage and forever isn't that bad right now. It sounds kind of nice. I think I'd like it. But I honestly don't know if I'll ever find someone to have that with. Like, the idea of forever sounds great, but I don't know if someone exists for me like that. As I put it to Manda last night, "God knows what I'll marry". And I realize that that is part of the reason that I don't want to get married is that I'm scared that I'll marry the wrong person. And I've been trying to figure out why that is. I have determined many reasons for this, mostly rooted in my own neuroticism and low self-esteem, but my parents and family are kind of part of this. My parents are so close, and they have talked marriage up a lot. Which is important and good on some level, but in another I'm really scared for it. They talk about how it's the most important decision you make, and how you shouldn't do it because everyone else is doing it or because you think it will be fun. And how you should marry your best friend, etc. I honestly think they would rather I remain alone for the rest of my life than marry someone just so I could say I was married. And this is all really good. I don't want to have the parents that are pressuring me to get married. But it's still really scary because I feel like if I don't have the kind of marriage they have, it will fail. Plus marriage will bring out all these other problems with my parents. They did all this pre-marital counseling with their church, and I know they would want me to do the same. Joe and Beth are born-again, and they didn't have sex for 8 months before they got married. That's insane, I'd like to point out. But while I'm not religious, my parents have managed to plant a fear in me that a marriage beween people who aren't religious won't work. Or that it has a significant advantage. And I don't believe that, but it's a thought that I can't get away from. Blarg. In other adventures in dysfunction, my dad doesn't think I'm going back to school until August 20, and he wants to take a family vacation with my sister and I to Florida for four days in August. Not only would I rather die, but I have to be doing Welcome Week stuff. Not to mention, going on vacation with my dad is the only thing less stressful than midterms. Seriously. I'm so sick of going three years without a break from stress. And yet, complaining and bitching about it, and being negative towards the idea in front of my dad makes me feel bad and like a bad daughter. And of course, he brings it up on Father's Day because if I disagree, I'm so the bad daughter. Can't I be the good daughter, just in another city? Or state? Or timezone? Wow. He just definitely walked outside to ask me if the wireless was working effectively. Because I'm clearly NOT on the internet right now. And then he mentioned that the hanging plant I bought looks nice. There is no sense of privacy in this home. I had gone 10 minutes without interruption, and that may be a record. Now I'm 15 again, and angsty. In other news, the bastard children who live next door are screaming while playing touch football with their dad. I secretly hope the dog that lives on the other side of them gets possessed and eats them. Wolves would do too. Ahh, my maternal instinct shines through as always. Hope everyone is doing well!!!!!! Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: U2-Stuck in a Moment (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 16th, 2005
6:54 pm	Last complaint entry....hopefully. I determined today two things: 1) I need a job incredibly badly b/c my life appears so trivial to my father and those people around me (because DM apparently don't count as a job) and so I have something to do during my days here in Michigan. 2) It's very difficult to find a job this late in the summer. Hence, my job search will continue tomorrow, the entire day, since my mom is probably going to be at work, and my aunt and grandmother will be here during the day. I think I will drive out to Somerset and see if any of the restaurants are hiring there. Maybe I will get lucky with something, and I will have some money of my own. Considering I wield no power in this house whatsoever without income. And considering a friend I've known my entire life devalued my entire college experience, I suppose I should come up with something worth while to do. As said earlier, my mom is attempting to go back to work. I feel this is a collosily (but spelled correctly) bad idea. She is sick enough as it is without puttting more obstacles in her way. It must be so difficult to be that intelligent and have a bad that will not allow you to do what you want to do. But I am honestly at the point that I don't think she's ever going to get better. I think it's just going to be like this forever, and this thought is incredibly depressing to me. I don't know what to do about it. Other than mope around about other things. According to one of my friends, we can't hang out together when we're both unhappy "because we don't do well with it". I have in a fit of neuroticism generalized this to mean that I shouldn't hang out with anyone when I'm feeling this unhappy, and since the unhappy doesn't show any sign of letting up, I see little reason why anyone will want to hang out with me. This friend also told me that I should probably not date until I'm happier with myself b/c no one can make me happy about it even if I'm dating them. This is a true statement. I agree with him. However, I don't see myself liking myself any time in the future, so I don't see myself dating anyone in the future, which is depressing. This livejournal is mostly just a lot of venting due to my realization in my car ride home from taking my dad to pick up his car. So, in a stunning epiphany I realized (far too late I'm sure), that I complain about my dad and my having to be home way too much. It's bad, and I know people know that, and I never have any new information about my situation, so I think I'm just going to stop. People are bored enough listening to me drone on about my neuroticism and spasticness that they shouldn't have to listen to me go on and on again about how my life sucks. So I'm stopping. In an effort to make the lives of those around me better, I will not be bitching about my life. The end. Current Mood: blah Current Music: Take Me Out-Franz Ferdinand (3 Comments |Comment on this)