Last CPT Meeting-Somewhat Mushy Journal to Follow

So I had my very last CPT Sunday night meeting tonight. We have our Transition Meeting on Wednesday, and I'm sure I'll be a disaster at that meeting, but I'm more pensive right now. The new CPT was at the meeting with us which was the first time that's ever happened in Dance Marathon. Normally they're just at the Transition Meeting and that's it.

I was sitting there with all of CPT, and it suddenly occurred to me that this is the last time I'll have a CPT meeting on Sunday night. It's the last time I'll sit here and listen to Kinch make fun of people, listen to reports, poke Alex, make faces at Scrompton, give a report, listen to Shoutouts, and get excited for the Marathon. It's the last time I'll be in that room with those people and be a member of the Planning Team. I'll never have that again. And something started to hurt.

I know a lot of people who never understood why I did Dance Marathon. I know people who supported me, and I love them for that. I could not have gotten through the last couple of years without them. Any negativity in this journal is NOT directed at them. But very few people ever "got" why I did it. They never knew why anyone did it for that matter. I can't explain it. It is something to be experienced, not explained. You don't have to be a part of CPT to understand why people do Dance Marathon. Everyone does it for a subtly different reason. Everyone has their motives. And everyone who sticks with it understands why.

I know I wouldn't be who I am now without Dance Marathon. I wouldn't have the love for life that I have. I wouldn't have the knowledge that despite what ANYONE thinks about Dance Marathon, I made a difference in it. I know people see an emotionless machine in which I am an unknown, but crucial part, but it is much more than that. I didn't do Dance Marathon for the recognition. I know I wouldn't believe in people the way I do now without Dance Marathon. I wouldn't appreciate a team without Dance Marathon. I wouldn't have my college experience without Dance Marathon. There is also a distinct possibility that I just wouldn't be here if I didn't have Dance Marathon.

Most of the people who wonder why I did it ask because they saw a lot of my low points. My frustrations, anger, and sadness about how things went in Dance Marathon. While those were hard, I think that they helped me because I realized how much I cared about Dance Marathon. Caring about something that much is amazing. At the Marathon, Kyle said to me, "I aspire to care about ANYTHING as much as you care about EVERYTHING". That meant so much to me. I used to say that a lot of people don't like Dance Marathon because we care so much about it and caring about things isn't cool. It's so much easier to just not care, to be apathetic. I believe that it doesn't matter what you care about, so long as you care about something. Something bigger than yourself.

Everyone wonders why I do Dance Marathon. I do it because it has made me a better person, because of the people I met through it, because of the relationships I had that were strengthened through it, and because regardless of whatever anyone says, I know I made a difference in it, and in the lives of people I met. I know they made a difference in mine.

Thank you so much to everyone who supported me in my experience in Dance Marathon. I could not have made it without you. To everyone else, who never understood, never "got" why I did Dance Marathon: As I said before, you have to experience it, or something like it, to understand. I only hope you get the chance I did.